At that point, the two of you can go for coffee and renew your acquaintance. At some point while dating a person in recovery, someone is going to mention things that they did while they were using their drug of choice. Your partner may be estranged from family members due to their addiction. If you are in a relationship with someone in recovery, you will also be called on to examine your beliefs about addicts and whether you can trust them.
The person you are seeing may have ongoing appointments with addiction counselors or at support group meetings.
First, the recovering addict should have at least one year of sobriety, and on the recovering addict's particular needs, you may need to avoid drinking or using . Getting into a relationship with a recovering addict can be challenging. They will also learn about their triggers and how to avoid relapsing.
They may also be attending step meetings. These take priority over plans the two of you have made.
As you continue your relationship, you need to be aware of the sights, sounds and smells that trigger your partner into wanting to drink or use drugs. These need to be avoided.
For some people it can be the clink of a glass, going into certain neighborhoods or driving by a place where they used to drink or do drugs. Your partner may need to avoid some people who they used to drink or do drugs with. When dating someone in recovery, ask your partner whether they mind if you order a drink with dinner when you go out.
Be mindful of their response, and act accordingly. You may also need to avoid certain types of social activities, such as wine tastings or boozy BBQs in favor of going on hikes, attending concerts or get-togethers where alcohol is not served. Dating someone in recovery will require some adjustments and compromises, just like all relationships. And it really does go without saying that a relapse could result in an early termination of your hard-earned relationship. In fact, some experts even advise that you should not start a relationship with somebody who has been in recovery for less than 12 months.
Although I would not go this far, I would urge you to at least be aware that being in recovery for less than a year carries a substantially higher risk of relapse when compared to dating somebody with more than a year's worth of recovery experience.
They need to be responsible for taking appropriate actions on a daily basis to preserve their recovery. Determine how long your new date has been in recovery. Meeting the demands of being in a relationship with a recovering addict can be tiring, so be sure to take care of yourself. It is unlikely your new date will reveal his or her continued attendance to you, so go ahead and ask your date whether he or she still attends these support groups. The above is a nightmare scenario anyone in recovery will wish to avoid.
Recovered addicts are encouraged to actively work on their recovery. For this reason, there are many support groups located in most towns and cities catering for this need. Being in recovery is more of a verb than a noun. This means the recovered addict should engage in an active program of recovery. This typically involves attending support groups, partaking in hobbies that keep them occupied, volunteering and practicing self-help. Living in recovery definitely should not be about reluctantly avoiding alcohol and drugs.
I thus advise you to subtly learn what steps your date is doing to stay in recovery. It is unlikely your new date will reveal his or her continued attendance to you, so go ahead and ask your date whether he or she still attends these support groups. This shows you are open-minded and willing to learn about what life is like in recovery.
If your date confirms he or she does attend a support group, offer your support by offering to attend, too. If your date is an ex-alcoholic, then it goes without saying that you should really consider avoiding alcohol when out on a date.
To do otherwise would be extremely insensitive to your date's position regarding alcohol. If you wish to develop a more serious relationship with your date, then we would recommend you consider giving up alcohol yourself. And by doing so, you'll also improve your own health! If your relationship becomes more than just dating, you may also need to avoid certain social events where alcohol is readily available. This includes birthdays, weddings, most parties and even funerals. Don't write your date off as damaged goods. Many prior addicts now living in recovery will come to a new relationship with baggage.
This is because recovered addicts often come from abusive and unhappy families. The recovered addict may have experienced emotional and physical abuse at the hands of a parent, step-parent or sibling. This baggage often means recovered addicts struggle to develop trust in new relationships.
But know that past dysfunctional relationships absolutely does not naturally lead to future dysfunctional relationships. Unfortunately, many recovered addicts do not see this fallacy and instead continue to seek out unhealthy relationships even when their sobriety is firmly established. When you start dating a recovered addict, it's important for you to understand their past and to help them realize that you are different from people they've interacted with in the past.
I urge you to learn about the science addiction. This includes learning about the disease theory of addiction. The disease theory of addiction says that addiction is a disease and not due to the addict's moral failings. Addiction is classified as a chronic, relapsing brain disease, requiring lifelong maintenance in order to defeat. Know that relapses do happen.
Unfortunately, addiction is a disease. And being in recovery is not a cure, per se. Studies say around 45 percent of recovered addicts will suffer from at least one relapse in their lifetime.
So if you decide to take the relationship to that next step, at least know relapse could occur at some point in the future. That being said, not all recovered addicts will suffer a relapse, and most relapses are easily corrected before too much damage is inflicted on the sufferer's health, career and relationships. I urge you not to write off a date simply because he or she is a recovered addict. However, I am not saying a recovered addict is Mr. Right simply because he or she is now in recovery.
I am simply saying you must evaluate the merits of developing a more serious relationship based on many different facts, including how long the person has been in recovery and what steps they are making to maintain their recovery. Follow Us Facebook Twitter.
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